


Bared

by Aryagraceling



Series: Catharsis [11]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Porn, Canon Universe, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Masks, Metaphorical Masks, kinktober day 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 15:56:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16162127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aryagraceling/pseuds/Aryagraceling
Summary: After failing to retrieve the Female Titan Levi thinks on death, and Hange does her best to distract him.





	Bared

Lightning cracks across the sky, leaving thunder rolling and lights flashing across Levi’s vision as he stares at the blood-soaked fabric in his hands. It’s all wrong. Every single drop staining the jacket, the shirt, the cravat he keeps so clean is  _ wrong,  _ because it should be his too. 

His blood should be smeared across the trees like theirs.

He should be hanging from the ODM gear from the branches, neck cracked like Petra’s and spine crushed under the bitch’s foot like Olou’s. He should be wandering in whatever fresh hell awaits him after this life because he wasn’t enough to save his team. He couldn’t figure out how to capture and drag her back to civilization because he’s not  _ worthy  _ of Erwin’s expectations, everyone else’s lives.

He’s a failure. 

And yet here she is, staring at him like he’s something. Rain sheets across the window as Hange sits cross-legged at the head of the bed, candlelight reflected in her deep eyes. She doesn’t speak--his mind is too far away to hear her anyway, and she knows that. They’ve spent enough time together that she always knows. 

He grips the jacket tighter before standing and throwing it viciously into the trash. “Worthless,” he spits. “Didn’t mean a goddamned thing when everything was said and done.” His fingers clench, trying to grab onto the last time he’d seen them smile, last time he’d heard them laugh--anything but the vision of his squad being annihilated. 

Hange watches silently with her hands folded and hair falling in her eyes.

“We had her,” he says, grinding his hand against his forehead. “We had her and we lost her, and they died for nothing.” He smacks his other fist against the wall and winces as his skin splits against the stone. “And I shouldn’t care, because they weren’t enough to make it. They should have been better soldiers, Hange, but--” Her hand is extended when he looks back to her, and he sighs before showing her the injury. “But they weren’t.”

Shadows dance while she examines, twisting the side of his palm into the light. “They were your friends, heichou. I think you can afford a moment of grief.”

“No.” 

“Levi.” She tugs him closer and he resists slightly before allowing himself to collapse, one arm over his head and heels resting on the mattress. “You did all you could.”

“And they  _ still. Died.”  _ Finally, a drop of his own blood stains his face as it beads from his fist. “What sort of captain am I if I can’t keep my men from dying?”

“You are Captain Levi Ackermann, a man who your soldiers will gladly lay down their lives for,” she says. Her fingers splay over his bare chest, quickly adjusting to the warmth of his body. “Heichou…” It’s a song and in the dying light he takes a shuddering breath while the notes wash over him. “Tell me who you are.”

“No one.” 

Hange sighs and lays her head on his shoulder. “Say that all you like, but you know you’re wrong.”

“Whatever.” He drags his bloodied hand down to lace their fingers together, turning his head to bury his nose in her hair. “I’ll get over it.” Hange’s breathing deepens when he kisses her temple--contentment found in the arms of a coward. “They’re only soldiers.  _ Were  _ only soldiers,” he corrects himself. “Titan fodder.”

“Sure,” Hange says with a lingering kiss to his neck. “Only soldiers.” She breaks their hands apart and slides hers to cup his face, pressing up to look down at him. “Do you need me?” 

“I need to be out there,” he mutters.

She runs a thumb over his cheek in the shadows. “I meant do you  _ want  _ me. Let me help take this away for the night.”  Her sleeping pants are rough on his stomach as she throws a leg over him to straddle his waist. “Can I help you forget? Bring you back?”

Levi sighs and presses his lips to her warm palm. “For a minute, maybe.” He looks back at her with a wan smile. “Turn out the light?” 

“Sure,” she murmurs. Her feet hit the floor and he slides between the thin sheets as she extinguishes the lamp. He shivers, torn between the want of her and the want of blissful nothingness. “I’m asking again. Who are you?”

“Captain Levi Ackermann of the Scout Regiment, the man whose only purpose is to save humankind at the expense of everything,” he says. “Who else would I be?”

“I don’t want to talk to that person,” Hange says. She looms over him in the dark, and Levi screws his eyes shut as her shirt falls to the floor. “Take your masks off, heichou, it’s only us here. Let me talk to the man who loves me. He’s one I want.” Levi gasps softly as more fabric slides to the ground and she straddles him once more, breasts dragging across his chest as she kisses his jaw. “Not some jackass who carries titles like weights and thinks nothing of himself. I want the man who can shed all that and let me in.”

“He’s not in right now,” Levi mutters. “Try again later.”

Hange bites him. It’s not a hard bite, but as her teeth scrape along the line of his throat, he nearly chokes. “Take them off, Levi, or I’ll force them off one by one.” 

“What do you want me to say, that I can’t handle sending people to die for humanity? I can, Hange, and that’s why I was chosen for this position,” Levi breathes when she nips harder. “Because I can take it.”

“You’re a liar,” she says into the delicate skin behind his ear. “I can feel you shaking. I bet you shake harder when I say their names, hmm?” Her voice is low, soothing as her breath washes over his neck. “Eld Jinn. Petra Ral. Gun--”

“Stop,” he groans. “I don’t need my sins recited to me. I can see them clear enough without your fucking help.” His hands skim over her sides, coming to rest on her hips, and he pulls her down to rub up against her. “Thought you wanted to fuck me.”

“I want to fuck Levi, not my leader.” Hange presses down once before sliding completely off and tugging him up into a hug, his back against her chest. “C’mon, let me see you.”  Her fingers trail down his stomach, cool and centering while he tries to breathe. “How do you really feel?”

“Frustrated,” he says. 

“That’s a start,” she says. Her hand slips below the waistband of his pants to brush against the base of his cock, feather-light, and he nearly growls when she pulls it away. “Tell me more.”

“Frustrated you’re being a tease,” he says, attempting to grab the hand and settle it back on him. “Angry it’s doing nothing but piss down rain outside. At least it’ll wash their blood from the trees.” That gets two fingers stroking slowly up and down the underside, and he tips his head back to rest on her shoulder. “Fucking horrified at the fact I can’t do a damn thing besides watch people die.”

Hange’s free arm snakes around his waist and pulls him tighter. “More, heichou.”

“Thought you didn’t want him,” he laughs dryly. “Thought you wanted lover Levi.”

“I do.” She kisses his shoulder and adds a third finger, running lightly over his head. “But I don’t have him in my arms yet.”

“Yes you do,” he sighs. “Those layers are part of me, Hange. I can’t change those things.” 

“You can let go of them in here,” she says. “They were your  _ friends.  _ Their deaths matter to you and I want to hear you say that.”

“Their deaths matter to me, yes.” His mind goes blank as she finally,  _ mercifully,  _ wraps her entire hand around him and strokes. “Yes…” He moans and bucks his hips up when she grips harder, and cuts off in a whine when she pulls off. 

“Once more with feeling,” she says.

“Their deaths matter,” he says, turning his face into her neck. “Eld, Olou, Gunter, Petra, and every other person I’ve sent to their death, okay? My entire fucking squad is dead and yes, it  _ matters.”  _ He hears his voice crack, and Hange’s hands tighten on his stomach. “Good enough?” 

“Levi,” Hange murmurs against his nape when he tents his legs and leans forward between them. “You’re always good enough. You are never  _ not  _ enough. Why else would you be humanity’s strongest? 

“Because I’m the only one besides Erwin and Zachary who can swallow the taste of defeat to-- _ oh…”  _

She pushes him deftly to the mattress and pulls down his pants to sit on him, her heat nearly overwhelming in the cold room. “You are the one who makes decisions to save humanity, Levi Ackermann, and I’ll follow you until I can’t anymore.” Bending low, her lips graze his once before delving deeper, tongue slipping out to flick at the seam of his mouth. “Because I love you, Levi.”

He wraps both arms around her and flips them, grinding against her with brow knit. “Thank you,” he whispers between kisses. “Thank you.” Hange’s breath hitches as he reaches down to run a finger between her folds, teeth barely catching on a dark nipple as he seeks the spot that will--

_ “Levi,”  _ she groans when he finds it. “Please…”

He takes her apart with battle hardened fingers and a tongue of fire until she’s begging for him and he knows if something doesn’t give, he’ll join his squad in the afterlife. She parts easily, nails digging into his arms as he pauses to take in what he can see of her face in the flickering lightning. “So beautiful,” he says. She turns away when he brushes the hair out of her face, and he kisses her forehead as he begins to move. 

Between the thunder and her searing heat, Levi’s thoughts fly away with the wind whipping outside until there’s nothing left but the sound of their skin meeting in the dark. Exhales and quiet cries mingle and bounce off the stones in a symphony of need, of desire. Small pricks of pain keep him grounded where Hange scrapes down his back, lost in the feeling of him inside. 

She fists a hand into his hair as she clenches around him, nearly sending him over the edge himself before he can pull out to come across her stomach. “Love,” she gasps. “I love you, Levi.”

“I need you,” he says, and he knows she understands as she shifts to the side so he can collapse beside her, careful to keep all mess away from the blankets. “Please stay.” 

Her face inches toward his, angling for one last kiss before she stands and wipes herself down. “You know I will,” she says. Levi accepts the cloth from her and puts it in the basket before holding the covers open. As she settles against him, he presses his lips to the back of her shoulder. “Is there anything else you want to say while we’re alone?”

“No,” he says softly. “I’ll grieve in my own way, in my own time. But tomorrow I’ll get back up and stick it to those fucks who think they can get away with senseless slaughter. Humanity needs to rise again."

**Author's Note:**

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